Rhythms

I made the resolution to go to daily mass. I am not really sure why. I think it was simply because I know that I should, that the sacrifice of the mass the holiest thing in the entire world and I owe it to God to give up 45 minutes of my day to be there. Plus I'm unemployed--I can't really make excuses not to at this point. Not the greatest of reasons, but it gets me there, and thats what counts, right? But to be completely honest, I haven't quite figured it out yet. There is something special, something sacred in the chapel, but you cannot see it or feel it. You just know it, in your head or maybe it's your heart, even while you are holding back yawns and trying to make yourself focus. Is that faith? The knowledge, the will, in spite of the occasional (shameful) boredom? I have to admit, it would be mind-blowingly awesome if God set my heart on fire and I lived and breathed the mass, but that hasn't happened. Probably because I have work to do before I can get to that point. How would I learn anything at all if God just pressed a button and made me holy? So I will keep going in the hopes that something will happen, slowly, some realization over passing time, some dull awakening inside my heart. For now, I will be content with the soothingness, the peace that gently taps in time to my beating heart. I am not sure where this peace comes from except for the knowledge of how small I am, how weak I am as I kneel on the risers. There is a pressure that is relieved when we can admit that we are nothing.

And as if to knock me over the head with it, this is my view as I take a couple steps out of the church:

P.S. This is my post for 8/14, but I didn't quite finish it because Jack was going to bed and I wanted to cuddle! Yay, marriage! You ain't got nuthin on this couple's sickening loveydovey cuteness. >;)