The Big Adventure

Jack and I made a decision to embark on a Big Adventure.

We bought a used fifth wheel trailer and we remodeled it and moved into it, then we moved to the new state we will call home. There were some serious unforeseen issues with the trailer. I honestly don't want to relive the details, so here is the short version: We had a very rough few weeks. We moved into a hotel indefinitely, and then we traded it in for another newer, more expensive trailer. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been much better than our original purchase. We have learned a lot. We have learned more than I ever thought we could.

I haven't posted anything about it because I realized I have been living in fear of something else going wrong, living in fear that Jack and I made a bad decision. But today I decided to let that fear go, and live in the present moment.

So here is the present moment: Mark is napping next to me on the couch, dinner is cooking in our little RV oven (enchilada casserole complete with fresh, homemade salsa...mmm), the dogs are sleeping on the floor while the local news hums softly in the background. We live at the base campground. We have plenty of space to ourselves and are surrounded by huge, towering trees that provide just enough shade and privacy while also letting light stream into the many windows of our camper. It's 7pm and the longest day of the year, so I am typing with the natural light of the sun.

Jack is adjusting into his new role of company commander. He finds purpose in his job but his hours are unbelievable, and not in a good way. For the past several weeks, he has worked 100 hour weeks. That's not an exaggeration; in fact, he has probably worked more than that. He just texted me that he will have to stay out tonight because they are conducting a field exercise and he won't be able to get away. It's been an adjustment because we have been so used to having him home, and I have learned to pretty much act like he is deployed and be happy when he comes home to scarf down dinner and then sleep. This means I have to do everything myself for the most part, from flushing out the camper tanks, to letting the dogs out, to carrying the trash bag with one hand and pushing the stroller with the other in order to take our garbage to the campsite dumpster. The big adventure, that's for sure.

Mark is doing so well! He is thriving. He loves meeting new people, and he is full of energy and laughter. He has this happy, toothy grin that suggests wild  happiness and people always stop to tell us how adorable he is. Chasing after him is the most exhausting and wonderful thing... Being his mama feels like the best job in the world, and sometimes I marvel at how much God must love Jack and I to give us such a sweet little blessing!

I'm doing pretty well myself, at least this week. As you have probably noticed over the years, making friends in a new city is the biggest challenge I face as a military wife. I have recently been able to get involved with a young adult Catholic group, and even just a social interaction here or there helps me feel grounded. All these years I thought I was an introvert because it takes a while for me to become close with someone, but apparently I've been proven wrong...by life. I NEED community! My goal for this week is to invite someone to meet for coffee. I can do it!

Most of all, I am trying to look to the Lord for guidance and direction. The fear that has plagued me the past few weeks has kept me from carrying out His will. I don't want this year of the Big Adventure to pass me by without learning from it, so from now on I am going to record what I have learned.

First of all, I have learned to trust God. When we were living without a home for a week, it was scary, but we trusted that he would take care of us. Looking back, it is easy to see how he did. First of all, we were in the middle of a move, so our hotel stay was covered by the army. Second of all, he brought people into our lives who advocated for us. He softened the hearts of the salespeople who ripped us off, so that they would take our old trailer back at full value. And he gave us level heads to work through the problem as a team. So whatever comes our way, even if we end up without a home again (although we certainly pray this doesn't happen!), I know in my heart that everything will be okay. We will be taken care of by someone much greater than us.

The second lesson, I learned today. If I let my fears eat at me, I won't be able to enjoy life. So this is my conscious decision to live in the present. As the wonderful St. Faustian wrote:

O My God,
When I look into the future, I am frightened,
But why plunge into the future?
Only the present moment is precious to me,
As the future may never enter my soul at all.

It is no longer in my power to change, correct or add to the past;
For neither sages nor prophets could do that.
And so what the past has embraced I must entrust to God.

O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire.
I desire to use you as best I can.
And although I am weak and small,
You grant me the grace of Your omnipotence.

And so, trusting in Your mercy,
I walk through life like a little child,
Offering You each day this heart
Burning with love for Your greater Glory.

— From her Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul, Notebook 1 (1)

St. Faustina's prayer has been our motto for the Big Adventure. I'll report back soon.

Love from the Holts