The Holt Herald: 2016

Jack and I made a decision to embark on a Big Adventure.

We bought a used fifth wheel trailer and we remodeled it and moved into it, then we moved to the new state we will call home. There were some serious unforeseen issues with the trailer. I honestly don't want to relive the details, so here is the short version: We had a very rough few weeks. We moved into a hotel indefinitely, and then we traded it in for another newer, more expensive trailer. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been much better than our original purchase. We have learned a lot. We have learned more than I ever thought we could.

I haven't posted anything about it because I realized I have been living in fear of something else going wrong, living in fear that Jack and I made a bad decision. But today I decided to let that fear go, and live in the present moment.

So here is the present moment: Mark is napping next to me on the couch, dinner is cooking in our little RV oven (enchilada casserole complete with fresh, homemade salsa...mmm), the dogs are sleeping on the floor while the local news hums softly in the background. We live at the base campground. We have plenty of space to ourselves and are surrounded by huge, towering trees that provide just enough shade and privacy while also letting light stream into the many windows of our camper. It's 7pm and the longest day of the year, so I am typing with the natural light of the sun.

Jack is adjusting into his new role of company commander. He finds purpose in his job but his hours are unbelievable, and not in a good way. For the past several weeks, he has worked 100 hour weeks. That's not an exaggeration; in fact, he has probably worked more than that. He just texted me that he will have to stay out tonight because they are conducting a field exercise and he won't be able to get away. It's been an adjustment because we have been so used to having him home, and I have learned to pretty much act like he is deployed and be happy when he comes home to scarf down dinner and then sleep. This means I have to do everything myself for the most part, from flushing out the camper tanks, to letting the dogs out, to carrying the trash bag with one hand and pushing the stroller with the other in order to take our garbage to the campsite dumpster. The big adventure, that's for sure.

Mark is doing so well! He is thriving. He loves meeting new people, and he is full of energy and laughter. He has this happy, toothy grin that suggests wild happiness and people always stop to tell us how adorable he is. Chasing after him is the most exhausting and wonderful thing... Being his mama feels like the best job in the world, and sometimes I marvel at how much God must love Jack and I to give us such a sweet little blessing!

I'm doing pretty well myself, at least this week. As you have probably noticed over the years, making friends in a new city is the biggest challenge I face as a military wife. I have recently been able to get involved with a young adult Catholic group, and even just a social interaction here or there helps me feel grounded. All these years I thought I was an introvert because it takes a while for me to become close with someone, but apparently I've been proven wrong...by life. I NEED community! My goal for this week is to invite someone to meet for coffee. I can do it!

Most of all, I am trying to look to the Lord for guidance and direction. The fear that has plagued me the past few weeks has kept me from carrying out His will. I don't want this year of the Big Adventure to pass me by without learning from it, so from now on I am going to record what I have learned.

First of all, I have learned to trust God. When we were living without a home for a week, it was scary, but we trusted that he would take care of us. Looking back, it is easy to see how he did. First of all, we were in the middle of a move, so our hotel stay was covered by the army. Second of all, he brought people into our lives who advocated for us. He softened the hearts of the salespeople who ripped us off, so that they would take our old trailer back at full value. And he gave us level heads to work through the problem as a team. So whatever comes our way, even if we end up without a home again (although we certainly pray this doesn't happen!), I know in my heart that everything will be okay. We will be taken care of by someone much greater than us.

The second lesson, I learned today. If I let my fears eat at me, I won't be able to enjoy life. So this is my conscious decision to live in the present. As the wonderful St. Faustian wrote:

O My God,
When I look into the future, I am frightened,
But why plunge into the future?
Only the present moment is precious to me,
As the future may never enter my soul at all.

It is no longer in my power to change, correct or add to the past;
For neither sages nor prophets could do that.
And so what the past has embraced I must entrust to God.

O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire.
I desire to use you as best I can.
And although I am weak and small,
You grant me the grace of Your omnipotence.

And so, trusting in Your mercy,
I walk through life like a little child,
Offering You each day this heart
Burning with love for Your greater Glory.

— From her Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul, Notebook 1 (1)

St. Faustina's prayer has been our motto for the Big Adventure. I'll report back soon.

Love from the Holts

You will do great things, little boy.

This is our motto for Mark. Not that we want to carve out a life for him by any means. For greatness does not necessitate success by worldly standards. In fact, I have seen that it's often the smallest things we do in life that can be the greatest. Whatever that greatness may be for our little boy, whatever mountains that means he will one day climb...that is what we pray he will discover.

Asheville, North Carolina

When Mark was around three months old, we started calling him the littler Stinker, or my favorite version of it... Stinkbug.

This name was not from out of nowhere. It was around that time that he started shrieking and babbling to entertain himself. It's pretty much the most adorable thing I had ever seen... a little baby talking to himself and making himself laugh!

Well, that was only the beginning of his personality. This kid is truly something else. He is happy, that's for sure. He loves to laugh. Even when he is crying or sick, all I have to do is make funny faces and he will laugh and laugh and laugh. From an early age, he was responding to me in a way that I haven't seen babies do before! Like he thinks it's funny when I pretend to eat his fingers, so he actually will stick his fingers in my mouth. Seeing him form those connections in a social way is so amazing. I know that everyone thinks their child is unique, but I'm realizing that's because it's true. Every little person has his own quirks that makes him special. And Mark is special because he is full of joy. It makes my heart burst with pride to see the twinkle in his eye! I have been told that this is what my dad was like as a baby. Coincidence? I doubt it.

Of course, his energetic personality has its challenges! The first challenge is Mark does. not. want. to sleep. He will be perfectly content, and as soon as he senses his eyes are getting heavy, he starts fussing and crying and eventually works himself up into a frenzy. This has made getting him to sleep in a crib the bane of our existence over here at the Holt household. Thankfully, after a week of pure torture, we have found a method that is working. We put the baby swing next to the crib, and we are using the swing to teach him how to fall asleep on his own. While he can resist sleep by crying in his crib for hours (sadly, this is true...he has not once fallen to sleep in his crib, no matter the different methods of "sleep training" we have tried). But the motion of the swing is too overpowering, and he eventually falls asleep...even if it takes an hour, like it did tonight. The goal is, over the course of several weeks, to lower the motion of the swing until it is still. Hopefully, at that point, the transition to the crib should be easy.

Hopefully! We are crossing our fingers here. Certainly, Mark's bright personality has a stubborn streak, not that Jack and I know anything about that, of course.

Thankfully, it feels like Jack and I are getting more at ease with this whole parenting thing. Now that Mark is sleeping in the swing for most of his naps, we are able to spend some time together sans baby, and that has been great. I have realized that, when Mark is in my arms, I feel responsible for him in a way that makes it difficult to relax. That is something that I am working on, because I want to be my old, goofy self. It's all coming back to me with time!

Jack and I went on a little date when his parents were here! We wanted to do something that was impossible with the Bug. So bike riding it was!

Of course, now that we are finally getting settled here in Georgia, making friends and feeling like we have etched out a place for ourselves, we have gotten the word that we will (most likely) be moving! We will be headed to South Carolina around May, where Jack will be a commander for basic training. You know all those movies you have ever seen about boot camp? Well, Jack will be living it out in real life! Fortunately, we have seen one too many roaches here in Georgia, and we are excited to move out of the deep south. (That sounds more "unfortunate" as I type it out...) Joking aside, we really are excited to move. The town we are headed to has a major university and a smaller military presence, and it is surrounded by some really awesome cities just a day trip away. Like all things military, we cannot say 100% sure this is where we are headed, but the process has started, so it's looking like most likely this is where we will be going. We can't complain.

All in all, life is pretty good here. A few exciting things:

1) It's warm! We can't believe it's winter. Often we wear t-shirts outside with no jacket. It's amazing!
2) Jack and I are so honored to be godparents for our friends' (Emily and Luke from Colorado) soon to be born baby boy.
3) My friend Steph asked me to sing in her wedding this June!
4) My husband is bald! Yep, he shaved his head.
5) I've been working on this post for two hours and little baby boy has slept the entire time. This is BIG news, folks. The longest he has ever slept in that swing during our sleep training escapades was one hour (until tonight).

All things considered, nothing too crazy is happening, but it's the little moments that make life special anyway.

Picture recap time!

Mark weighs about 21 pounds. He is now fitting comfortably into 18 month clothes and squeezing into the remnants of his 12 month clothes. He's our chunky monkey!