Forgive the melancholy

I have been pretty positive this entire deployment, so hopefully I'm allowed one post with a little bit of melancholy in it. If anything to let the feelings out before I burst. And hopefully to eventually just let them go.

So here goes.

I miss my friends and my family. And everyone is so busy with their own lives that it often feels like no one actually misses me. I know that's not true technically, but in an everyday sense I think it might be. People move on and get busy and that's a fact of life. It's silly to think that people are going to go out of their way to keep in touch with me, and I'm sure if Jack were here all this time it wouldn't feel so intense right now, but I guess the fact is that he's not here and it does because I'm away from everyone, and despite that I've tried so hard to live my own life here, it still feels like I'm on pause until my husband comes home to me. (Talk about a run-on sentence!)

But maybe what really bothers me is that I feel like no one understands what it's like to be here all by myself. I know it is partly my fault, since I probably haven't explained it to anyone. But still. No one really gets what it's like to go to church by yourself every single week, to wake up in silence, spend your day in silence, and go to sleep in silence. To eat all of your meals by yourself. In silence. To not eat because there seems to be no point in preparing another meal for yourself to eat in silence. To spend holidays by yourself. To work up the courage to attend events by yourself in the hopes of making friends (and that is not easy as an introvert!). To carry huge objects by yourself because you have no friends or family to ask for help. To leave a blank on the local emergency contact for your job because you realize that you have no one around that you can count on. To move from one house to another entirely by yourself because you aren't close enough with anyone to help you. I could probably go on, but I'll spare you from the impending feelings of pity or annoyance (or both?) by doing so. Things are so much better now, of course, now that I live on post and have *finally* made some friends/acquaintances who can actually spend time with me and not just count on me for babysitting or helping out in emergencies (since I am husbandless and childless!) but for the majority of this deployment, what I have just described has seriously been my life. Of course, I have always looked on the bright side of things and I will continue to do so. I guess I just need one post to get all this out before my husband comes home to me.

Now that I can read all of my thoughts on paper, I know what the answer is. I should find peace in that I have so many people who love me; what does it matter that they don't understand exactly how things have been for me? They love me and I love them, and that's what matters. I need to count my blessings.

And moreover, I am reminded that I need not be offended. That is one thing that all the saints all have in common: they could not be easily offended. Not because they thought less of themselves, but because they thought of themselves less. So I really should too. If I were a better Christian, I wouldn't even think of myself at all! My little sufferings are minuscule compared to the sufferings of so many in this world. If I would spend a fraction of my time praying for them instead of nursing my injuries, I know that I would be a changed person.

So perhaps this is my prayer for the last little bit of this deployment, that I can turn any self-pity or melancholy into prayers for the poor lost souls on this earth.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY?

YEP!

I have to devote an entire post to the Bridal Shower.

Planning a Bridal Shower two time zones away isn't the easiest. Especially when you have super busy recent college graduates (i.e. poor) bridesmaids. So although it was extremely stressful leading up to the big day, everyone really stepped up during crunch time and it turned out beautifully. 

Ariel LOVES Audrey Hepburn, so I thought a Breakfast at Tiffany's theme would be perfect. We just had a slight problem...nowhere host it. With 75 people were invited, we needed a big venue, and big venues are expensive and many were all booked up. At several points, we had options that fell through and one was even double booked. So we ended up having it at a bar because Ariel's parents are friends with the owners and it was big enough, a good location, and decently priced to rent.

A BAR? Yes, a bar. I had never seen it, but the other bridesmaid weren't too keen on it. But since no one had any better options, Ariel's mom made the final decision after a stressful month of no luck. It had some pros...it was in a good location, decently priced rental fee, and was large enough for everyone. But it was a bar. I was SO anxious to finally see it when we decorated the night before. I had seen some pictures, and I was really worried about all of the posters all over the walls. When I finally saw it though, I realized we could do it. The wooden tables and chairs were actually quite pretty and despite the wood paneling, it was pretty nice. Of course, we did everything possible to glam it up to make it Tiffany's worthy. All of the other bridesmaids had to work the night before, so one other bridesmaid and I decorated the evening before from 4:30PM to 10:00PM. I might have been slightly obsessive though... ;) I sort of had to force myself to stop decorating.

The morning of the shower was crazy, but it really came together! One of the bridesmaids works at Yankee Candle and she had a wax melt that made the place smell delicious...not like a bar at all. Another bridesmaid surprised us by bringing a huge speaker with a microphone that played music from her phone via bluetooth. Another one's mom bought a bunch of coffee and a beautiful coffee pot to fill it in. All in all the shower was wonderful. One of Ariel's relatives even came up to me after the shower and said that it was one of the best, if not the best, bridal shower she had ever been to. And she made sure to say she had been to a lot of them. That was so great to hear after all the hard work (and money hehe)! But above all Ariel was so happy, and that's what counts.

I didn't take these pictures. In fact, I was so busy I didn't take a SINGLE picture! So here are some that another bridesmaids took..

Days before the shower, one of the bridesmaids said her aunt used to work in a bakery. Ta-da! Our cake box cupcakes turned into a beautiful cake. I bought the gloves and tiara for Ariel to wear as soon as she came in and we surprised her.

Ariel in the center with all of her bridesmaids.

Gift table. (See the pretty peonies on the side and the bird cage for cards?) Ariel did actually get one real Tiffany's present, a beautiful crystal plate from her fiancé's sister.

The table when you walk in. We started off with a game called "ring robber." Each person is given three rings. If someone hears them say "wedding," "bride," or "dress," then they get to take a ring. The person with the most rings at the end of the shower got a prize. One of Ariel's cousin's had like 30 rings!

The main area. I covered all of the beer and sports signs with tablecloth and ribbon to look like Tiffany's presents and tags that said "Ariel and Co. Est 2014). A little see-through but it worked.

I am ridiculously proud of the centerpieces. I arranged the flowers myself. One of the bridesmaids made the favors and glammed them up way more than I had planned them to be. We used pearl strands and tiny "diamond" jewels to decorate the table. This picture doesn't have the main floral arrangements: white roses, baby's breath, and white hydrangea in a mason jar. They looked so beautiful that people took them home! I am starting to reconsider a career as a florist. :P

The bride's chair. One of the bridesmaids bought Ariel a beautiful necklace with a Mickey Modo pearl in it as a bridal shower/wedding present with her mom, and Ariel is going to wear it with her wedding dress.

We played the toilet paper dress game and it was a huge hit! Ariel chose her aunt's dress (behind her) because of the 80's shoulder pads in the dress. 

Centerpieces again.

Here is the main floral arrangement I was talking about, minus the mason jar.  I did take this picture after the shower! 

The food! And the "Future Mrs Koerber" sign I made. This picture was taken before all the food arrived. We had about 50 people, so thankfully Ariel's aunts brought hot food. We had a yogurt bar (which was super adorable) and cucumber sandwiches and we provided the drinks for everyone.


Those are all the pictures I have! My bridal shower present to Ariel was a lace veil that I made...a cathedral veil that extends about 4 feet past her train. I can't post those until the wedding in September....but as you can see I am obnoxiously proud of my handiwork and the veil is no exception. ;) 

The trip was so fun but also super busy. Since Ariel could only travel home once before her wedding, we did everything we could possibly think of for the wedding. Let's just say I was tired when I got back at 2am on Saturday night!

Overall success! Now read the post below. :)

The Final To-Dos

I thrive (and survive) via to-do lists. I have them in several locations: on my phone, in my journal, on the chalkboard in my kitchen. So I am pleased to announce that I now have a to-do list called "Things to Do Before Jack Comes Home."

That, my friends and family, proves that his homecoming is close. And I can finally start getting excited! And I am.

We have a date, which I am allowed to announce because it's now public knowledge and posted online. He should be getting in the morning after Independence day...I'm still praying he can leave one day earlier, but I know that's extremely unlikely.

Jack's flight is one of the last flights out because he hasn't been in Kuwait with everyone else. Basically this means his deployment is a month longer than everyone else's because he also left a couple weeks earlier. So some of the guys are already home and most of my friends' husbands are coming home by early next week. I am surprised that I am feeling a little emotional about Jack's late arrival, but I suspect that it's because Jack and I haven't had a single holiday together during our first year of marriage, and everyone else gets the 4th together. Not fair!

But I need to stay positive, because he's almost home.

I've been quite busy the last month...moving in, making friends (finally finally!), getting our house ready for Jack, but most of all...planning Miss Ariel's bridal shower! I just got back from Baltimore on Sunday and the shower was a success. Pictures in the next post!

I started a Bible study as planned. We are reading "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. Since I led a Bible study my last two years of college, I've missed it so much. I might even lead another one once summer is over. I've also just missed hosting people. I braved it a couple weeks after I moved in and had some people over from the neighborhood that I didn't know very well and it was really fun. In college, I was a little bit antisocial, mostly because I was so focused on studying, and I've almost felt like this is my second chance to branch out and I'm definitely taking advantage of it and conquering my fears.

Since I just got back from Baltimore, I spent time with several of Ariel's bridesmaids. I was surprised at how old I felt considering they were all my age. I realized it had nothing to do with them, but more to do with the fact that so many of my friends and acquaintances here are in their late 20s to early 40s. So I'm basically turning into an old lady. Although I've made several new friends in the neighborhood who are in my exact stage of life (newly married young college graduates...is that a stage?) and it's been a blessing to get to know them. I also made a friend in the same stage of life who is a faithful Catholic aaand a teacher, and her name is ...guess it... Emily! We have become close quickly and I'm so thankful for her friendship! I think her husband and Jack will get along really well and we're already scheming, I mean planning, some camping trips and that sort of thing for when Jack comes home!

Now that the shower is over, I can devote myself to being a housewife and getting our home ready. Cleaning, organizing, trying to be thrifty with decorating! Today, I went through all of our finances and I hope I'm doing something wrong because we have to pay a lot of taxes. I've been spoiled because of deployment benefits, including non-taxable income, and I've only been tracking our finances since he left. How do people survive??? Okay, I'm being dramatic. We can totally survive but we will have a hard time saving. I guess we are in the 15% tax bracket, but when you add state taxes, social security and medicare, we are up to a quarter of our income. Welcome to the real world, right? I'm definitely going to need to substitute teach a lot this year so that we can keep up the saving.

So I have had a goal this entire deployment, and that is to have ordered wedding prints. It only took 8.5 months, but as of today, the goal is accomplished. I ordered a TON of wedding pictures, like 30 different photos, several 8x10s too and it was only $35 including shipping. I used smugmug.com after reading a blog that rated different services, and I am really excited to see the prints! I am going to check out the thrift stores for some pretty gold frames, because I have a vision for a gallery wall in our dining room. But yes, our house is about to vomit up wedding pictures! It's about time that we have some pictures of our little family though. :)

Speaking of pictures, here's what I've been up to since May.

San Diego with my girls!

Lunch before we went kayaking in the La Jolla caves! 

It's my street! ;)

Justine is about to go to China to be a missionary!

Naughty puppy looking for food

Our new home- dining room area

Breakfast nook right when you walk in

living room area

I am very proud of this sign! I bought a pallet for $1 and stained it using the same stain as the kitchen table. I made the letters from a white satin fabric that I glued into little rosettes.

Our awesome W/D that I scored off a yard sale page.

Molly's first birthday

I'm now officially in three weddings in the next year. :)

Our babies cuddling. Oh, I love these stinkin' animals!

Quote of the week:

Jack (to Emily): "Why do you have to be so smart?"

^For my records