Army Wives Know Everything

Jack always jokes that army wives know more than their husbands do, and they know it before their husbands do. I always thought it was a goofy exaggeration with a little bit of truth in it.

But actually, it's 110% true.

I found out the other night at an FRG meeting. It was not mandatory, so it was a small group of spouses. We were able to ask any questions, so I asked when would we know for sure what date they are leaving. Jack had told me he would be on Main Body 2 or 3 just half an hour prior to the meeting, so I was just looking for specifics. His commander asked for Jack's name. I told him, "Holt" and he said, "You're not going to like this." I thought he might be teasing, so I waited patiently while he looked up the deployment schedule on his computer. Sure enough, he wasn't teasing. Jack was leaving on ADVON, before the majority of his unit. Of course, I reacted like, No way. And for three whole minutes, he discussed it with me in front of all the spouses while I tried to remain calm (and not cry!!). They had no idea we were newly married and had never been through this before. A little later, I noticed a wife in front of me crying, so I didn't feel as embarrassed. I'm not sure what's considered normal yet!

I left the meeting early and called Jack. He was shocked. Everyone on ADVON had a briefing, and he was not told that he should have been there. He thought that for sure it was a mistake, that his commander had an old list. The next morning he asked his boss when he was leaving, and is boss said Main Body 2 or 3. Jack asked him to check to be sure and he was surprised, too, because, sure enough, Jack was definitely on ADVON. He called me to tell me yesterday morning but I already knew in my heart it was true. 

Realistically, the difference between is really only a little over a week. But when you're as close to it as we are now, every day matters. This weekend we are going to try to get everything ready so we're not frantic right before he goes.

We still don't know what company he is going to, which will also tell us if he will stay in Kuwait or go somewhere else. At this point, things have changed and either location will be fine. We should be able to communicate regardless of where he is. That's definitely a blessing.

I also told some wives at the Bible Study I go to on post about our situation with the deployment and all the frustrations I have, especially about how he keeps getting switched around and I don't know anyone in his unit (or company...since that is changing). They were so supportive. One of the women suddenly had the idea to change their weekly kids' "play date" into a prayer group, and we're meeting this week. It was definitely daunting that Jack is leaving so soon, but I finally feel like I have some support here because of the Bible Study. I know God is looking out for me, and it's such a sweet feeling.

My mom is also flying in, which I am so grateful for. It just works out, because she was flying to Vanderbilt with my brother the Tuesday after Jack leaves, so she can meet him there. Then, after she leaves, I'll have just a few days until my maid of honor comes to stay with me for the weekend. I just feel so blessed and grateful for the support of family and friends. I'm also keeping surprisingly busy with acting. Tomorrow, I have a shoot in Denver for a short film. It will be an emotional shoot, but I am excited for it. Jack is coming to the filming, so I think it will be fun. I have 'callbacks' on Tuesday for the other two student films I mentioned before. Hopefully, I can get these other two and stay busy! There is a play I was auditioning for, but it was the night before Jack is supposed to leave, so it's not going to work anymore. I explained the situation so I'm praying they will let me audition at a different time.

Right now, Jack and I are just spending the quality time together that we have left. We're celebrating each others' birthdays today (in more of a goofy way than actually celebrating them) and going on a date tonight. So I'm just counting my blessings. 

Quote of the week:

Jack (early in the morning): Baby, I reeeeeally want Lucky Charms. Go and get me some at the store...It's my birthday.

Me (groggy): Haha yeah right... it's my birthday too.

A Wife's Lament

In one of the British literature classes I took in college, we read an Anglo Saxon story called The Wife's Lament that was published in like 900 A.D. It was kind of boring and confusing, but essentially some wife was excommunicated from her village because of her husband and was basically lamenting her circumstances.

So I'm going to take a minute here to have my own lament. Here we go.

It is common in the weeks before deployments for soldiers to get off at like noon, maybe one o'clock. Sounds like a luxury, of course, but remember they're about to be deployed for nine months, so a few extra hours with family is pretty important at this point. In Jack's unit, most of the enlisted soldiers and even some lowly officers are getting off between 1 and 4, but of course, not my husband. His job is juuuust important enough for him to actually have stuff to do. Jack left for work 30 minutes early today (so he left our house at 4:30AM) and he says he will get back around 6:30PM tonight. So let me just clarify. That's fourteen hours of work. FOURTEEN HOURS in the weeks before deployment. And this is not a once-a-week occurrence. This is like, an everyday occurrence. Most of the time, the army is very family-centered. So I don't know if it's just his unit, or his boss, or what. But come on, dudes! He's got a new wife at home and you've got him for nine months. Let my husband go!!!!

Well, that's my gripe. I know nothing's going to actually change, and despite my lamenting, I actually have a general disposition of exasperated acceptance, but I hope you won't blame me for venting.

I do have to say, though...It's just too bad his boss doesn't read my blog.

Edit: Just to be thorough, it's 7:05PM and no sign of my husband. He didn't answer when I called so hopefully he's not still in a meeting. Right now my mission is trying to keep dinner warm! THIS, my friends, is what army life is.

The Last Dance

I wanted to share with friends and family a memory with my Dad that I have been working on. I hope you enjoy it. Writing this has reminded me how important these little moments with loved ones are. We miss out on so many of these moments because we are distracted, stressed, worried, or even preoccupied with our phones. This memory has reminded me that we need to live in the present and truly appreciate the time we have with one other. I had no idea how important this moment it time was going to be when it happened; a short two months later this memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I'll cherish it forever.


The Last Dance

I am seven again, chocolate ice cream coating my tiny mouth, sitting in Daddy’s lap as he cocks his head in ornery laughter. Only this time I am eighteen years old, the time between now and my dreams ticking quickly away, and we are sitting on a wooden bench outside of an upscale gelato shop. We’re celebrating a belated Father’s Day. Music rolling from the loudspeakers illuminates the children chasing each other in a park that is probably too green and bright to be real.

            “I’m going to miss you,” Dad says. His eyes are always burning red with facetiousness and the chemicals he works with, but now, in this rare moment, they are soft and smooth, burning still with undeniable moisture.

This softness is the Daddy I will always remember: Sitting on the porch in a wiry lawn chair after he had poched my brother’s tush and yelled at us to hurry up. Wearing the black sweatshirt with his company logo on it and faded blue jeans with the holes and stains of an honest man.

My father thumps everywhere he goes. From my room, I can hear his feet pound, keys jangling, quickly up the stairs in a distinct and fatherly way, the only way a daddy could ever sound. He thumps because he is a busy man. He runs his own business, coaches the basketball, baseball, softball, and soccer teams of his four kids, takes me to gymnastics and dance and piano and gives me everything a little girl could ever need, could ever desire. But now, as he sits on the porch in his company sweatshirt and faded jeans, he is calm.

I am transformed into this moment of stillness, as he waits for us to pile in the car before school. The morning is crisp with the chill of spring, and my father’s face, brown from the sun, is serious.  There is dignity in the way his forehead furrows, strength in the way his brown eyes gleam of gold. I smell his coffee, black, with sugar, contained in an extra large plastic cup, the kind people get at the gas station. As he drives us to school, he holds the cup in one hand, or between his legs, sometimes handing it to me if he needs to use both hands to drive. “Be careful,” he warns me with sincere yet exaggerated caution, “It’s hot.”

Now, years separating me from the bright-eyed innocence of childhood, as I remember his soft brown eyes, I wonder what my father was thinking then, as he rested in the wiry black porch chair. I wonder if he was contemplating his four children, his wife, the beautiful house and life he worked so hard for. I wonder if he was happy, if he was worrying about all the ways we could be hurt or killed; I wonder if he was praying. I wish I could ask him now.

I am picked up again by the ticking of time, back to the brightly lit gelato shop, My dad loves Dairy Queen, and I almost prefer that we were sitting at the grimy tables there instead of this bright new development, just for old time’s sake, or maybe just for the sake of this precious memory. But we are laughing. And I’m full of glee, Daddy’s little girl, as if he were swinging me around at my aunt’s wedding reception, singing his special tune that was for me and no one else: How many times have I told you I love you? Out of tune and full of love and silliness like a Daddy should be.

And oh how the passing of time etching our hearts can make us all wish to sit on Daddy’s lap again, to smear ice cream all over our face and feel Daddy clean us up with his spit and a napkin.

And oh how I wish I can remember more about this moment in time, or that moment in time, but my brain is feeble in comparison to the vast expanse of memories we collect over our lifetime, and all I can remember about this short, sweet moment is sitting on the bench and teasing each other when my daddy looks at me with his soft brown eyes and suddenly asks me to dance. I glance around the park, see the families and the couples and the children hopping around like frogs. The sky is hot and bright, and I look back into his brown eyes, so serious and handsome.

So I take my father’s hand.

In the middle of the park and for all the staff and customers of the gelato place to see, my daddy and I dance to a tune I don’t remember. I’m too embarrassed to see if people are actually watching us, so I close my eyes and feel his cheek, warm and rough with whiskers, against my forehead. His heartbeat is strong and steady now.

And oh how relieved am I that I took his hand then and danced with him in public to a tune I can’t remember. Every other potential memory that was taken from me—taking me to college, attending my graduation, walking me down the aisle, dancing at my wedding, cradling my children with the love and silliness of the grandpa he would have been—all of these stolen moments and so many more are somehow blended into one great melody that builds, crescendos, in the silent crevices of my aching chest, louder and louder, until it finally booms into the finale with our unforeseen dance, this final, perfect, heaven-sent last dance with my daddy.

And even though he doesn’t sing it anymore, I can still hear it perfectly in my head. How many times have I told you I love you? Out of tune and full of love and silliness like a daddy should be.

Cruisin' on the Coaster

Things have been surprisingly busy around here.

The Holt household has been filled with guests recently! Jack's family visited last weekend, and Jack's friend, Kerry, visited this weekend. Looking back on our time with friends and family, we didn't do anything too crazy, but the time we spent with each other was precious--especially with Jack's looming deployment. Some highlights: driving up Pike's Peak with Kerry, getting coffee with Jack's family in the shadow of the beautiful Rocky Mountains, playing Project Runway with Jack's uniform (that's a long story), and the pre-deployment ball with Jack's unit.

As far as news for the deployment goes, things have been quite a roller-coaster. We found out he was going to go to to another country, then maybe not, then probably, then we heard that we would only be able to write letters, then we heard that's probably not true but it might be...and so on. So now we're left with: there's a good chance he'll go somewhere else but he probably won't know for sure until he's in Kuwait. The communication is probably better than letter-writing, but it might not be very good. My consensus is: I just need to accept I can't know anything about the deployment until he is actually there and things are actually happening. Once I accepted that, things seemed much less like a roller-coaster (and more like a game of ring toss). Things were pretty stressful there for a while but have calmed down now, thanks be to God.

I decided not to start writing thank you notes until Jack deploys. I just don't want to worry about it right now with so much else on our minds. So dear blog readers (whoever you are and if you came to our wedding)...don't check the mail yet! Speaking of procrastinating, Jack and I have so much we need to do before he goes. Packing is only one of those things--we have to make sure we have financial and legal arrangements squared away (like POAs and other paperwork), and then there's practical things like making sure I know how to mow the lawn and check the filters and who to call for what and etc etc (yep, there's no hiding that I'm totally a baby).

I do have some news! I auditioned for some student films and was offered a role. I'm also hoping to get offered another role that I had a lot of fun with during the audition. I have another audition tomorrow-this one is for a small speaking role in an episode of a TV show that hasn't premiered yet. If anyone reads this before tomorrow, say a prayer for me! Hopefully there will be some more projects that I can audition for in the future. So far, I have been keeping pretty busy; I've even hung out with some army wives a couple times and joined a Bible study. I'm praying that I keep busy and make some close friends--goodness knows I could use some!

Now for the best news! Our wedding pictures are done. Check them out at: https://service.pass.us/client/event/3z8TL322626

Anyone can download, share, or even order prints from this website. There are TONS of pictures of our wedding guests--so feel free to order prints if you see some that you like. Or, ya know, you can totally order wedding pictures of Jack and I if you're our moms, OR if you're not our moms and just want to make a shrine to us in your home.

This is Marriage

It looks like Tuesday has been my blogging day for the past few weeks! I would have posted sooner but the puppy chewed up my computer charger and I had to wait a few days to get my new one in the mail.

Welp, Jack and I are going on five weeks of marriage. Now that we are less than a month out from his deployment date, the pre-deployment stress is starting to kick in. Which stinks because I was hoping to enjoy more time in newlywed bliss. Someone please tell me how to not get annoyed when all my husband wants to do after work is play on his computer. (My whiny thoughts: His computer will be in Kuwait but I won't wahhhhhh!!!!) But, alas, this is marriage...not a romantic comedy. And just like I have my ways to relax (like doing crafts and reading blogs), Jack his his ways too. But sigh...Why can't he just want to do what his wife wants to do?! ;)

I have exciting news for all 6 of you who follow this blog...

I am being represented by Radical Artists Agency in Denver! I am employed (technically)!. I was told I needed to get professional headshots, so I did that yesterday. You can see them at this link: http://ericweberstudios.smugmug.com/Other/Emily-Boresow

When I starting looking into acting in Denver, I was pretty selective with the agencies I sent my resume to. Radical Artists Agency was my top pick, and I also sent it to one other reputable agency. I had an interview with Radical Artists Agency last Thursday, and I really felt like it was the right place for me.

This is how the whole shebang went down. First, I sat down with the founders, Patty and Kathey, and they told me about the agency. The founded it solely for actors, because they had both worked at other agencies and were tired of the focus on modeling at those agencies. When they started it, everyone said they would never be able to make it with just actors. But they proved those voices wrong. We continued to talk, and I felt so unprepared for this aspect of it. I had definitely prepared for the audition process, not an interview! I blabbered on and felt so silly, but I guess they liked me regardless. The second part of the process was the audition. I knew there would be a cold read. I feel confident with cold reads, because the expectations are pretty low and I'm fairly good at them. Typically, a cold read is dialogue between two people, but the one they gave me was a comedic monologue. Phew. That is difficult to do. They gave me a few minutes to practice it in the audition room, then they came in to film me perform it as well as the monologue I had prepared. Honestly, I did not have my best performance. I was not relaxed enough to really get into the mode. They sent me back to the first room while they discussed with one another whether or not I would be a good fit for their agency. Once by myself, I immediately took out my phone and texted Jack that I didn't think I was going to make it. As I was pressing send, I heard them walking back to the room. I knew that such a quick decision meant either they loved me or hated me. Luckily, it was the former, and I graciously accepted their offer. We then filled out all of the paperwork and set up an action plan.

I am so excited to be represented by such a reputable and professional agency. The founders are both knowledgable and well-established in the acting community in Denver. This was confirmed when I got my headshots done yesterday; the photographer commented that Radical Artists Agency is the best agency in Denver. He also said they are very selective! I feel very blessed to have this opportunity to pursue my dream of acting. God only knows what will come of it...hopefully sumthin! ;)

In other news, there is no other news. I have been doing a ton of work on our house. I mean, lots of Pinterest crafts and that sort of thing. I have some motivation... Jack's parents and sister are flying out to visit this weekend! I am so excited to see them--I'm also excited to finally show off our home to someone other than the vacuum cleaner salespeople who keeping coming to our door. On a related note, the stains in our entryway are now gone.

The following weekend, Jack's best man is coming to visit...and *hopefully* his girlfriend as well (if she can switch shifts with someone!), who just happens to be one of my most bestest fwiends, miss Jessica Marie.

 I present you a picture of us at the Renaissance Fair when we were in ninth (or maybe eighth?) grade. Jessie is the beautiful redhead!

Ah, I'm so excited to have guests! I have to admit, it's pretty lonely moving to a new city and not having any friends here or a steady job to go to every day. I would get more involved, but right now everything I'm interested in meets in the evening--and that's the only time I get to see my husband. He leaves at 5am every morning and gets home at 6pm; that's the life of an army wife. I know it would behoove me to meet people now before he goes, but for some reason I can't bring myself to leave just as he gets home. I really should, though. He will be able to function without me for a couple hours. Hopefully. Just kidding....or am I? Maybe this post will push me to go. Actually, I just found a Catholic Bible study for military wives on Friday mornings at Fort Carson. I've already marked it in my calendar to go this week.

I don't have anything inspiring to end this post with, so I'll leave you with dialogue of the week:

Emily: (talking about our dream house) Okay, fine, you can have your secret wine cellar, as long as I get a bookcase that opens up to a secret room.

Jack: Oh yeah, and the secret room can have my computer in it so I can play video games.

Emily: Hold on, hold on, the secret room is mine, remember?...plus by the time we have our dream house, you'll be too old to play video games.

Jack: No way, when I'm like 70, I'll totally have the bros over to play video games. Wouldn't that be awesome, to have them over to play video games in the secret room?

Emily: Yeah, if your friends aren't dead by then.

*chirp churp*

Jack: WOW.

#thisismarriagenotaromcom