Home Sweet Home

Over the summer, I could sense that our family was stuck inside the cage of a hot air balloon. The fire was blowing and blowing and the balloon was filling and filling, yet we could not take off, no matter how much we wanted to, no matter how much effort was expended. The balloon wasn't ready- we weren't ready. And then, just when I thought the balloon might burst... up it went. So it goes.

Jack got a job with an airplane manufacturing plant, we moved to a new city, found ourselves an apartment with a lease we could break for the cost of about a week's stay in a hotel, and we were connected with a realtor that was so amazing she is now watching Mark with her grandson while I write this blog entry. 

We bought a house! We moved in last week! My family came to help us move from the apartment to the house, which would have been impossible without them. We had flooring replaced, the main level is currently being painted, and all of our belongings are in transit to arrive next week! We haven't seen these things in over a year and a half, before our camper adventure. I am both excited and nervous about what condition all of our possessions will be in, though I am trying to remember that all it is is stuff. 

One of the major blessings we have experienced since moving here is a profoundly Catholic town. We prayed God would send us to a place that would be good for our family, and after experiencing several promising job opportunities that didn't work out, I can most definitely say we ended up here for a reason. We are close to home, I have made mom friends with children Mark's age AND with newborns, found a Bible study, and we even went to a hockey game one night with Jack's coworker and his family! For the past couple years, I've lived in cities where I haven't had a single person outside of Jack who really knew me, and I can tell that here things will be different here, for me, and for our family. Finally. Up in the hot air balloon, it feels like the air is finally clear.

So many blessings, though not without cost. Jack's hours are difficult. He works second shift, and often he is gone from 1:00pm -2am, even later, and he has only had off two Sundays since he started several months ago. He also has the additional burden of reserves training once a month. At his new job, he is a first level manager, which according to someone I met who had worked there for forty years before he retired, is pretty much the most difficult job there. The man I was speaking to said he only lasted in Jack's management position for four months. Needless to say, we would appreciate prayers as Jack adjusts to his new job, as we all adjust to the crazy hours (that are far too reminiscent of his former job in the army), and as we integrate into the civilian world in general. I feel extremely blessed to have a husband who works so hard to provide for us, and I pray that our family can experience peace even in the midst of these difficulties. Even with so much going right, it can be hard to see past the troubles before us!

So there we go, just a little update in our life situation. I am eager to have the work at our house finished, since our kitchen is currently a construction zone and we are eating out quite a bit. I am so excited to have a couch after over two months of an air mattress, as well as the conveniences of a mailbox (packages delivered right to our door!), a garage, a backyard, a big kitchen table, all my pots and pans, a nice, big refrigerator, multiple toilets in the house, a dishwasher, a bath tub. There are so many luxuries I never knew I had before our transitory life, and I promised myself that I will never again take for granted how fortunate we are for these many things. 

But most of all, I am so happy to have a home for our family. Even today, Jack, Mark, and I were outside in our large, fenced in yard, throwing tennis balls to the dogs, and I was filled with so much joy because it really hit that this house is the place where we will gather with our children for thousands of meals, for all our birthdays and celebrations, where we will oversee our kids play together and fight too, where hours of homework will be completed at the kitchen table, where countless baths will be taken, where books will be read over and over again, and it strikes me because all the monotonous routines of life carried out over and over again, will someday be nothing more but a feeling our children have when they think of this house, a feeling that they were cared for, that they were treasured, and that they were loved beyond measure.

That's all I can hope for.

Hope

Anyone who knows what's been going on with our family knows that we are in a place of transition.

Jack has officially left active duty and is now serving in the reserves. We sold our camper and are currently staying with my mom while Jack searches for a civilian job. We are prepared to go anywhere at this point which is both exciting and a little bit scary, but we are pretty much used to that by now. It has been so incredibly nice to be back with family and friends after four years of separation, and we are certainly making up for lost time!

That said, being in this place is not exactly easy. The last few months have been full of ups and downs, from miscarriage to job rejection to what has sometimes felt like one disappointment after another. We have certainly been told "no" a lot recently.

However, in the midst of all the uncertainty, we stay strong in our faith, trusting that God will provide as He promises and understanding that His timing is much better than our own.

And among all the "no's" it's easy to forget how many times we have been told "yes." We have so much to be thankful for- notably our friends and family, good health, a roof over our heads in the interim, a beautiful two year old boy... and:

Another little boy on the way!

We cannot wait to welcome our little Joseph Emmanuel into our arms this January.

He is named after my maternal grandfather, among some of our other favorite Josephs: St. Joseph the worker, the father of Jesus, St. Josemaria Escriva, author of The Way, and Servant of God Joseph Emil Kapaun, a chaplain born in Kansas who served and died during the Korean War. Emmanuel is a reminder that God is always with us.

So, yes, things have been uncertain, but we are full of hope for our future, for our little family, and for the new life that I am carrying. Please pray for us during this time of transition!

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Our last year has been pretty crazy! Camper living was definitely a learning experience, and we are thankful for the opportunity we had to do it but thankful to be done! Jack was working so much last year that I really don't have many pictures to choose from. So that makes it fairly easy to do our last year in review:

Mark's first birthday! This is the campground we lived at. It was absolutely beautiful!

Suzy and John came to visit for his birthday, and we had a little party with some church friends. We were fairly new in town so we were so appreciative of the people who came to celebrate!

Jack's parents babysat Mark when they came to visit so Jack and I got to go on a nice date. This is the only picture Jack took!

My mom and brothers came to visit that fall but we don't have any pictures. This is when I came home for a wedding and my mom and I took Mark to the petting zoo.

Mark was a cowboy for Halloween.

Thanksgiving! Mark was wearing an adorable romper made by Suzy.

Family picture taken last fall at the church we were married in when we were home for a wedding.

A picture from last Christmastime.

Jack's good friend Ben was a few hours away from us for some training, so we drove up to see him for a night.

Grammy and Pops came to visit this spring. We had a great time going to the zoo and just hanging out!

We took Mark to an airshow one Sunday. He loved seeing all the planes!

Jack's Change of Command Ceremony at the beginning of summer. He was highly esteemed by his brigade commander and I couldn't be more proud of him and all the hard work and extra hours he put in the past year. He is truly a dedicated leader...and a humble man, as he'd never tell you all his accomplishments!

Our final military ball. Kind of crazy!

We drove down to the beach for a day trip. Mark had a blast and was fearless in the water!

Mark's second birthday party!

Mark's parents, grandparents, two sets of great grandparents, and great great aunt were all able to make it to his second birthday party!

Mark loves his aunt Lala.

Baseball game with Uncle Matt (aka Goon Squad- don't ask)

Driving the boat with Nana! As you can see, we have LOVED being able to spend so much time with those we love.

Mark loves going to Grammy's (or "Mimi's" as he says)!

Mark and I visited two of our best friends in Wyoming: Ariel AND...

Rosser! Boy, was it sweet to see them together. 

Just beautiful!

Mark's big day.... 2 years old! Jessie and I took him to the farmstead and then to our favorite restaurant... Chickfila!

We made him a little brownie cake that night. It's hard to resist spoiling him with all this love since we have been so far away and isolate for the past couple years. :)

I hope you enjoyed this little update. Here's to not waiting over a year for the next one...

The Big Adventure

Jack and I made a decision to embark on a Big Adventure.

We bought a used fifth wheel trailer and we remodeled it and moved into it, then we moved to the new state we will call home. There were some serious unforeseen issues with the trailer. I honestly don't want to relive the details, so here is the short version: We had a very rough few weeks. We moved into a hotel indefinitely, and then we traded it in for another newer, more expensive trailer. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been much better than our original purchase. We have learned a lot. We have learned more than I ever thought we could.

I haven't posted anything about it because I realized I have been living in fear of something else going wrong, living in fear that Jack and I made a bad decision. But today I decided to let that fear go, and live in the present moment.

So here is the present moment: Mark is napping next to me on the couch, dinner is cooking in our little RV oven (enchilada casserole complete with fresh, homemade salsa...mmm), the dogs are sleeping on the floor while the local news hums softly in the background. We live at the base campground. We have plenty of space to ourselves and are surrounded by huge, towering trees that provide just enough shade and privacy while also letting light stream into the many windows of our camper. It's 7pm and the longest day of the year, so I am typing with the natural light of the sun.

Jack is adjusting into his new role of company commander. He finds purpose in his job but his hours are unbelievable, and not in a good way. For the past several weeks, he has worked 100 hour weeks. That's not an exaggeration; in fact, he has probably worked more than that. He just texted me that he will have to stay out tonight because they are conducting a field exercise and he won't be able to get away. It's been an adjustment because we have been so used to having him home, and I have learned to pretty much act like he is deployed and be happy when he comes home to scarf down dinner and then sleep. This means I have to do everything myself for the most part, from flushing out the camper tanks, to letting the dogs out, to carrying the trash bag with one hand and pushing the stroller with the other in order to take our garbage to the campsite dumpster. The big adventure, that's for sure.

Mark is doing so well! He is thriving. He loves meeting new people, and he is full of energy and laughter. He has this happy, toothy grin that suggests wild  happiness and people always stop to tell us how adorable he is. Chasing after him is the most exhausting and wonderful thing... Being his mama feels like the best job in the world, and sometimes I marvel at how much God must love Jack and I to give us such a sweet little blessing!

I'm doing pretty well myself, at least this week. As you have probably noticed over the years, making friends in a new city is the biggest challenge I face as a military wife. I have recently been able to get involved with a young adult Catholic group, and even just a social interaction here or there helps me feel grounded. All these years I thought I was an introvert because it takes a while for me to become close with someone, but apparently I've been proven wrong...by life. I NEED community! My goal for this week is to invite someone to meet for coffee. I can do it!

Most of all, I am trying to look to the Lord for guidance and direction. The fear that has plagued me the past few weeks has kept me from carrying out His will. I don't want this year of the Big Adventure to pass me by without learning from it, so from now on I am going to record what I have learned.

First of all, I have learned to trust God. When we were living without a home for a week, it was scary, but we trusted that he would take care of us. Looking back, it is easy to see how he did. First of all, we were in the middle of a move, so our hotel stay was covered by the army. Second of all, he brought people into our lives who advocated for us. He softened the hearts of the salespeople who ripped us off, so that they would take our old trailer back at full value. And he gave us level heads to work through the problem as a team. So whatever comes our way, even if we end up without a home again (although we certainly pray this doesn't happen!), I know in my heart that everything will be okay. We will be taken care of by someone much greater than us.

The second lesson, I learned today. If I let my fears eat at me, I won't be able to enjoy life. So this is my conscious decision to live in the present. As the wonderful St. Faustian wrote:

O My God,
When I look into the future, I am frightened,
But why plunge into the future?
Only the present moment is precious to me,
As the future may never enter my soul at all.

It is no longer in my power to change, correct or add to the past;
For neither sages nor prophets could do that.
And so what the past has embraced I must entrust to God.

O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire.
I desire to use you as best I can.
And although I am weak and small,
You grant me the grace of Your omnipotence.

And so, trusting in Your mercy,
I walk through life like a little child,
Offering You each day this heart
Burning with love for Your greater Glory.

— From her Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul, Notebook 1 (1)

St. Faustina's prayer has been our motto for the Big Adventure. I'll report back soon.

Love from the Holts

Stinkbug

You will do great things, little boy. 

This is our motto for Mark. Not that we want to carve out a life for him by any means. For greatness does not necessitate success by worldly standards. In fact, I have seen that it's often the smallest things we do in life that can be the greatest. Whatever that greatness may be for our little boy, whatever mountains that means he will one day climb...that is what we pray he will discover.

Asheville, North Carolina

When Mark was around three months old, we started calling him the littler Stinker, or my favorite version of it... Stinkbug.

This name was not from out of nowhere. It was around that time that he started shrieking and babbling to entertain himself. It's pretty much the most adorable thing I had ever seen... a little baby talking to himself and making himself laugh!

Well, that was only the beginning of his personality. This kid is truly something else. He is happy, that's for sure. He loves to laugh. Even when he is crying or sick, all I have to do is make funny faces and he will laugh and laugh and laugh. From an early age, he was responding to me in a way that I haven't seen babies do before! Like he thinks it's funny when I pretend to eat his fingers, so he actually will stick his fingers in my mouth. Seeing him form those connections in a social way is so amazing. I know that everyone thinks their child is unique, but I'm realizing that's because it's true. Every little person has his own quirks that makes him special. And Mark is special because he is full of joy. It makes my heart burst with pride to see the twinkle in his eye! I have been told that this is what my dad was like as a baby. Coincidence? I doubt it.

Of course, his energetic personality has its challenges! The first challenge is Mark does. not. want. to sleep. He will be perfectly content, and as soon as he senses his eyes are getting heavy, he starts fussing and crying and eventually works himself up into a frenzy. This has made getting him to sleep in a crib the bane of our existence over here at the Holt household. Thankfully, after a week of pure torture, we have found a method that is working. We put the baby swing next to the crib, and we are using the swing to teach him how to fall asleep on his own. While he can resist sleep by crying in his crib for hours (sadly, this is true...he has not once fallen to sleep in his crib, no matter the different methods of "sleep training" we have tried). But the motion of the swing is too overpowering, and he eventually falls asleep...even if it takes an hour, like it did tonight. The goal is, over the course of several weeks, to lower the motion of the swing until it is still. Hopefully, at that point, the transition to the crib should be easy.

Hopefully! We are crossing our fingers here. Certainly, Mark's bright personality has a stubborn streak, not that Jack and I know anything about that, of course.

Thankfully, it feels like Jack and I are getting more at ease with this whole parenting thing. Now that Mark is sleeping in the swing for most of his naps, we are able to spend some time together sans baby, and that has been great. I have realized that, when Mark is in my arms, I feel responsible for him in a way that makes it difficult to relax. That is something that I am working on, because I want to be my old, goofy self. It's all coming back to me with time!

Jack and I went on a little date when his parents were here! We wanted to do something that was impossible with the Bug. So bike riding it was!

Of course, now that we are finally getting settled here in Georgia, making friends and feeling like we have etched out a place for ourselves, we have gotten the word that we will (most likely) be moving! We will be headed to South Carolina around May, where Jack will be a commander for basic training. You know all those movies you have ever seen about boot camp? Well, Jack will be living it out in real life! Fortunately, we have seen one too many roaches here in Georgia, and we are excited to move out of the deep south. (That sounds more "unfortunate" as I type it out...) Joking aside, we really are excited to move. The town we are headed to has a major university and a smaller military presence, and it is surrounded by some really awesome cities just a day trip away. Like all things military, we cannot say 100% sure this is where we are headed, but the process has started, so it's looking like most likely this is where we will be going. We can't complain.

All in all, life is pretty good here. A few exciting things:

1) It's warm! We can't believe it's winter. Often we wear t-shirts outside with no jacket. It's amazing!
2) Jack and I are so honored to be godparents for our friends' (Emily and Luke from Colorado) soon to be born baby boy.
3) My friend Steph asked me to sing in her wedding this June!
4) My husband is bald! Yep, he shaved his head.
5) I've been working on this post for two hours and little baby boy has slept the entire time. This is BIG news, folks. The longest he has ever slept in that swing during our sleep training escapades was one hour (until tonight).

All things considered, nothing too crazy is happening, but it's the little moments that make life special anyway.

Picture recap time!

Mark weighs about 21 pounds. He is now fitting comfortably into 18 month clothes and squeezing into the remnants of his 12 month clothes. He's our chunky monkey!

Meeting Aunt Liz and Uncle Jake at Thanksgiving

Hanging out..probably avoiding sleep!

Little bear cub!

Thanksgiving Day selfie

Date night!!!!! This was our first alone time in three months, while my family watched Mark over Thanksgiving

Chunk

Mark's favorite toy, his Mama Mary rattle

Atlanta Zoo time!

"Captain Adorable"

Babywearing Pro (sorta)

Four months old and lookin' fine

Jack's Graduation from the Captain's Career Course

Grammy and Pops came to visit!

Someone is happy to see Mark!

Daddy and Son

Strong boy

We stayed at the cabins on post for a couple days while Jack was able to take paternity leave before Christmas.

Mark was first to see the new Star Wars movie...the night before it came out! Thankfully he slept through the whole thing!

Passed out. A little too much to drink. Not wine of course ;)

Home for Christmas! Uncle Jake loves his nephew.

Mark got to meet his great grandparents for the first time! This is my mom's parents, Joe and Jane Hecker.

All smiles!

Mark with his godmama, Jessie

Mama actually got dressed up so we had to take a selfie!

Mark meeting Papa Boresow, my dad's dad

Mima 

My cousin, Mark with baby mark!

Grammy and Pops on Christmas Day

Makes my heart sing!

Mark Pelham meeting his namesake, his great Granddad Pelham

Mark with Nana

Four Generations

Four Generations. Every single one of them is a firstborn!

Laughing with Mama

Mark loves the animals!

Well it only took me five months, but I finally got a haircut. Yes, this is a big deal and worthy of mention!

My loves!

Stinker I tell ya!

Working hard!

He loves his feet!

The Bug.